how to stop comparing yourself to others & to focus on you
A recurring topic that mentees inquire about is “how to not get intimated when being surrounded by other intelligent and successful individuals? How to not doubt yourself and to remain self-confident at all times?”
The answer: Never ever compare yourself to others! Everyone is different, has a unique path, skill set and has undergone growth that got them to where they are today. What you see may only be a fraction of the reality!
the only reason to ever look to the left or right is to get inspired!
Key is to identify which action steps successful individuals have taken to achieve their goals.
study people’s past to understand what steps have gotten them to the future!
This implies to analyse their career paths, skill sets, actions and behavior. Then matching them with yours and identifying room for self-development. The lacking skill is what to focus on to develop further. The emphasis is on the most important skill by creating a SMART action plan on how to acquire this skill.
The role of others in this process is merely to inspire, to guide and to give you a blueprint on how to achieve your goal. Others’ success should never intimidate you, instead it should motivate you! How can you adopt an outlook like this?
focus on YOU, to get you where you need to go!
3 things to focus on in a competitive environment:
1. celebrate the success of others
Firstly, adopt a state of mind that allows you to be happy for the other person’s success. Instead of being intimidated reach out to the individual, congratulate them and ask them to share their steps that got them to where they are today. Remember, any precise action steps that they share can be your blueprint that you can duplicate to achieve similar success! When reaching out, be precise in your way of questioning:
- Which 3 skills did you need to achieve this success?
- Did you have all these skills already or did you acquire them recently?
- How did you acquire these skills?
- What was your biggest challenge and how did you overcome it?
You should aim to ask questions that allow you to understand the exact skill set needed for this type of success and how this skill set is developed. Always affirm yourself: If they can do it, I can do it.
2. embrace your USP
Become very clear on what your strengths are. Your USP (unique selling proposition) is what makes you, YOU! It is something that you are know for. Maybe it is your positive outlook on things, analytical skills, ability to network, etc. If you are unsure on what your USP is, ask three of your closest friends and three acquaintances for their point of view. The skill that is most mentioned can be considered your USP. USPs can be identified on the following basis:
- Behaviour trait: What behaviour traits do you display (positive outlook, solution orientation, organizational skills, etc)?
- Professional experience: Have you worked on a particular project? Do you have any distinct business skill (languages, analysis capabilities, software knowledge, etc.)?
Once you have identified your USP:
stand proud & showcase it every day!
For myself, I consider my positive outlook on life as my USP. In any situation no matter how bad, I can see the good and if you ask people who know me, they would all agree to this.
look at your USP as your trademark for your personal brand.
Additionally, also become clear on the skills that you have not fully managed to develop yet. Those that need fine tuning and are essential for your desired goal achievement. Be very clear on the skill and on how you can learn it: Seek online classes, literature, seminars and guidance from a mentor. If you are in the workplace, make a skill development plan with your boss. This plan shall outline all resources and action steps that you need to take.
life is an endless loop of learning!
Thus, you will truly never want to stop acquiring new skills. According to Forbes:
lifelong learning & its impact on growth leads to happiness and a fuller life!
3. seek a mentor
Once you have identified the lacking skills and created the action plan seek the help of a mentor to support you in the growth process. Two forms of mentorship may be used here:
- Peer to peer: someone on your level who already has this skill developed shares actions.
- Top down: someone in a higher hierarchy guides you and shares insights.
Both forms of mentorship are of extreme valuable and depending on your time, I would recommend seeking both. Thus, speeding up your skill development process. Do not forget to put in the actual work of developing the skill on your own. Mentorship in this case acts merely as your blueprint on how to achieve the skill and providing you with confidence that you are on the right track.
When following these 3 forms of acquiring a skill set, you will never feel intimidated about the success of others. Instead you will be inspired, start to shift your mindset and celebrate their success. You will comprehend that if they have achieved it, so can you!
If you believe that you already have what it takes, and you are feeling jealous remember that this transmits negative energy. And that the energy we put out is mirrored back at us. Thus, ask yourself carefully do you really want to elicit jealousy when someone else is successful? How about using this energy to focus on YOU and how you can become better?
Should negative energy arise, remind yourself of your achievements!
pro tip:
Write down three of your proudest achievements and how they make you feel. Whenever feeling demotivated turn to your notes and read them loud, then remind yourself to keep going!
Key is to maintain a focus on you and your self-development and to not get distracted by others. Maintaining a positive self-image will eliminate negative emotions (such as fear, jealousy and self-doubt) and encourage you to focus on your personal growth instead.
Remember, life is a continuous loop of growth and learning that is directly linked to happiness!
Monday Minutes are my personal & independent reflections for inspirational purposes only. They are not professional career advice, they simply outline my experience & advice that has been shared with me and helped me personally.